Do not set other children as an example; you can only compare a child with his own achievements. Celebrate all successes. But when you need to praise or make a comment, you need to evaluate not the child himself, but to comment on the act.
Praise should be specific. For example, if you liked your son’s drawing, do not limit yourself to the phrase: “You’ve done well!” In this case, it is important to note the efforts, perseverance or choice of colors. If you are dissatisfied with the act, do not say: “You are bad!” Sound what you did not like, together try to understand the reasons for what happened and find ways out of this situation. Then the child will be able to better understand the problem, evaluate their contribution to it and think about what can be changed in the future.
Teacher relationships are an important element in successful adaptation.
The teacher for primary school students is an indisputable authority. If you disagree with the teacher about something, refrain from negative statements in the presence of the child. Take the teacher’s comments calmly, carefully pay attention to what the child says about them. Help him realize his feelings about this: “It looks like it upset you (offended, pissed off),” and express them. Explain that the teacher made a comment not to offend, but to help improve. You can ask the question: “What would you do in the place of a teacher?” And discuss the answer.
Do not ask too many questions about school
Parents often complain that the child is not talking about themselves. To the question of what happened during the day, he answers: “I don’t remember.”
It is important to give the child some time to relax, then he will be more willing to share the news
The fact is that adults often ask children too many questions. If you observe yourself, you will most likely find that you are also doing this. Each question should assume the most detailed answer, and not turn into an interrogation.
For example: “What do you remember most about today?”, “What seemed the most interesting (boring) during the day?”, “What would you tell your friends?”
And even in this case, be prepared for the fact that children may not immediately satisfy your curiosity. In response, try to calmly say: “I see that now you don’t want to talk about the school, but I will be ready to (a) listen to you when you yourself want it.” It is important to give the child some time to relax, then he will be more willing to share the news.
Create conditions for communication with peers
It’s easier to get in touch with someone with common interests. Various circles and sections can become an environment in which it will be easier for a child to make new friends. Often they are held both in the school itself and beyond.
Invite your child’s friends and classmates to visit. You can specially organize a holiday or throw a party on the birthday of a son or daughter. Having fun and a positive experience of interaction will significantly strengthen friendship.
But it is not necessary to arrange grandiose events and holidays, so that children can simply play together after school. If they cannot occupy themselves, then you can become the initiator of any children's yard game. You will be required to gather the children in a circle, explain the rules and, after the contact between the participants is established, leave. Then the children will be able to cope on their own. After all, often they do not play together not because of shyness, but because they do not know suitable games. Your task is to fill this gap.
Let your child get a diverse experience of interacting with other children and don’t choose friends for him. Encourage self-reliance in communication. Praise him for his courage, friendliness, initiative, generosity, desire to help.
What to do if the child is shy?
If your child is embarrassed to be the first to get to know each other or simply does not know how to do this, use the game as an assistant.
Your main task is to teach children to see the good in the most difficult and unpleasant situation.
For example, you can organize an Acquaintance game. After choosing several characters, model the situation and pass on the experience of meeting new people to your child. Then you give him the opportunity to become the initiator of communication himself.
If the child is anxious or shy, invite him to imagine himself in the role of a beloved hero, the most daring classmate, or in the role of the child who has the most friends in the class. Ask the young actor to portray a characteristic pose, gestures, facial expressions, tone of the selected prototype. Discuss whether he liked to feel confident, active, and courageous. Ask to remember the sensations you received.
Play sketches of acquaintance, an answer at the board, playing at a break, performing at a concert, consolidating the experience gained. Having played a new behavior in a safe situation, surrounded by loving adults, it will be easier for the child to use this experience outside the family.
Your main task is to teach children in the most difficult and unpleasant situations to see the good, because the world is not black and not white, it consists of halftones.
Olga Ragulina - teacher-psychologist of the City Psychological and Pedagogical Center TO “Krylatskoye”.
Olga Sizova - teacher-psychologist of the City Psychological and Pedagogical Center TO “Krylatskoye”.
How to stay alive and make new friends
There are various reasons for changing schools. Relocation, conflicts with teachers and children of the previous school, the search for a better education ... But this is not as important as the acute problem: to join a new team. Here the worst thing for many is a united class before your arrival. Feeling like a stranger in a pack does not let go of everyone who moves into a new, completely unfamiliar school.
The ideal option is to look at the class list and get to know someone before starting your studies. Internet, walks, whatever. Even just writing a message, “When do the textbooks give out?” Will be the beginning of communication. Even if you already know when they are being issued. Ask anyway. The main thing is to establish contact so that when you come to class, you can already say hello to someone and talk.
But if you didn’t manage in advance, it’s okay. You’ll meet the first number anyway. But the strategy should already be a little different. So what do we do if we see new classmates for the first time:
1. Appearance. Until they know your name, they will call behind him "the one with different socks, brand new." So take care that there is no extra reason. Or, if you know that there is a reason for the nickname, just replace it with something else. For example, my lop-eared classmate liked to put on a pink polka dot tie. Needless to say, no one noticed the ears? At all any way to stand out really distracts attention from the flaws. And then people will understand what you are, and your shortcomings will not matter to them.
2. Neighbor's party. First aid for shy. It is with him that one can speak unobtrusively. And it’s best to ask for a break somewhere. Dining room, library - the path there will give several minutes for conversation, and acquaintance will begin. And someone else will join if you are interested. And beginners are usually interested in everyone, just the class does not show initiative.
3. Don't lock upif there are several new ones in the class at once. If they are so closed that they do not even get to know anyone, they are a bad company for the first time. Better join the class.
4. On a visit go with a cake. And while you're away, according to the class. Treat them with sweets “accidentally” captured from home. Chocolate, which "generally forgot about her." Once again you will remind about yourself, and you will immediately create the impression of yourself.
5. Personality. IMPORTANT! Do not change for the sake of class. But if you mean by your personality tantrums on the topic “I like to sit on the right, and I’m not going to change”, get ready for the fact that they will not understand you, but they can do it in spite. So everything should be reasonable.
6. The tactics of the "submarine". In any team there are well-established rules of communication. And a novice, without knowing it, by too active actions can violate them. So the ideal strategy of behavior is when you are friendly, not skeptical, observe the environment and delve into the life of the team, gradually fitting into conversations and school life.
7. If something is necessary, immediately tell your parents about it. They have not forgotten, they simply may not know that for biology now they need a waron that blue-green notebook, and not the previous light green one. But the lack of things necessary for study will not add credibility to you.
8. If you are very worried, this is not unusual. But if it is a bad dream, nerves and loss of appetite, then this will even affect health. So parents can also help here. After consulting with a pediatrician, you can buy sedatives that will help you fall asleep and calm your nerves. It is important to remember that you cannot handle all the problems yourself. And at first, you’ll have to cope without friends.
9. But in the end, a change of seats is good. You will learn how to make friends, get along with people and withstand stress. These are the qualities of an adult, so we will consider this the main advantage of changing schools. You will become more experienced and confident than others. So be afraid, but act!
Learn to make new friends in a new school. (Jupiterimages / Photos.com / Getty Images)
Start your first day by being friendly and sociable. Smile at others and talk with people who are sitting next to you. Get well and make sure you perform at your best.
Meet your classmates. Learn the names of those who are sitting next to you, and talk to them when you can. Ask questions about the school, possibly the teachers they will have, and what other classes will do together.
Start a conversation with people who seem to treat you positively. Praise your clothes or hair. Let them know that you are a beginner and ask them if they can show you the school.
Be yourself with others and try to stand out at least a little. Try the styles of your hometown, but also try to match the new setting. At the end of the day, if you feel comfortable with some of the students, ask what to do after school and where to eat. Ask if they can show you or the best place to eat a hamburger and french fries.